ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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