I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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