i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize