i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
