I need help removing her.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
