just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i've created a new STD.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
