i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
