omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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