just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
