White coat. Heels.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
