Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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