Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
