I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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