Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
