im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
