just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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