do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
