if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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