i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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