Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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