Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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