I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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