Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
