Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
