We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
