Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
