Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
