They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize