Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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