dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
