She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
