I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
