found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
