All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
