Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
