hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
