Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
