and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
