remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
