I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
