she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
