she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
