im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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