I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
