And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
