I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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