you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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