I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
