I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
