apparently the secret to your success is patron
love makes seman taste better
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
