turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
