I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is wine microwaveable?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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