I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
