and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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