He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
