Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
