just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
