im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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