i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
