My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
