Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
