he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
