When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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