I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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