I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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