I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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