i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
COCAINE IS GR8
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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