Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
