ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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