Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
