Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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