And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
