4 words: hood of his car
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
