You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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