She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
