i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
