Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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